Victory and Before That, Quiet
There was a quiz show where Ayn Rand read descriptions of literary classics she rewrote and then she offered reviews of literary classics that were so hopeless they couldn’t be rewritten and me and Amber Tamblyn had to try to guess the right books.
Wait. Before that, we arm wrestled to decide who went first and I was like, OH PLEASE because, I mean, come on. I’m 6’3” and, shall we say, solid. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Tamblyn, however, was wily, grabbed my arm, and began trying to, I don’t know, overpower me. It was cute. She still couldn’t overpower me but the judges gave her a mercy pass and declared her the winner because she was tenacious.
She had funny answers to the questions but I was on a mission to win so I answered that shit correctly. Oh yes, I did. Also, I knew that I could not outcharm a professional actress. I’m a realist.
Then there was a third round which involved a lightning round of Fuck/Marry/Kill. The highlight was when I got to talk about Sweet Valley HIgh.
And then I won. Victory was mine.
Before all that, though, I got to sit in a green room where there were grapes and peaches and Coke and water and also whiskey. We did shots before going on stage.
At one point, Tamblyn wrestled Ayn Rand. I have a picture. I took it from the stage. I cannot figure out how to upload it because I am on my iPad.
Later, a cab driver asked me for directions back to my hotel. I was liike, “I have no earthly idea.”
Before, before all that, I walked around the little neighborhood where this hotel is located. It was beautiful and not humid and perfect. Then I came back to the hotel and the power went out. I had not turned on the television nor paid much attention to the Internet. I noticed that many people on my Twitter feed were talking about the Dark Knight but not in the way I expected and then I saw Aurora and had no idea what was going on so I consulted Dr. Google and then turned to CNN and there are no words.
Or, there are some words. I wrote these about wanting a little bit of quiet to try and make sense of something incomprehensible.