Live Tweeting the September Issue
First ad: Ralph Lauren Romance, which is strange. It’s not a new perfume.
Four full color pages. Lots of happy white people. Rich happy white people wearing loose cotton and wavy hair. Also horses, twice!
Three sexual embraces, one wedding, one family portrait, some kid photos. Fascinating. I guess this is Romance!
Next, Prada. Sad white teenagers wearing avant-garde fashions. Tim Gunn would want the designer to make this shit work because it doesn’t.
Dior! Marion Cotillard. Her hand seductively held to her bare neckline. Legs also bare. She stares into the distance thinking, “I am rich.”
Fast forward a few pages. Gucci. Dark tones, lots of pale cheekbone and red lips, shellacked, severe buns and ponytails. Angry white women.
While we’re on the subject, my cousin and I like to perform this video. http://youtu.be/5puGM9Adg-o
Just flinging off baubles, fierce Charlize.
Chanel. White lady, wet hair, holding her shoulder, fully dressed. Eyes half-lidded. She just got bad news.
Oh snap. Burberry. Two girls wearing Dalmatians on their heads. They have a secret and possibly a drug habit.
Tom Ford, in typical TF fashion selling perfume by displaying the female form ridiculously w/ the perfume bottle practically out of shot.
This is, I suppose, an improvement on Tom Ford perfume ad/ with baby oil hairless crotch shot.
By the way, many of these ads are the same was the ads in W which feels… lazy.
David Yurman (who?). Scarecrow of a pretty girl holding her nutrient deprived hair thinking, “My god. I am as hungry as I look.”
LOL, the TOC is randomly snuggled into p. 68. Worry not. There are 230 or so pages until the masthead, no competition for content.
When I read fashion magazines, I pretend I am an alien trying to understand this planet. It’s delightful.
There’s a many page Gap ad but it has words so I skipped it.
Horses, leather, dust, fur. What would McGyver do?
Good lord. Home With the Hilfigers, only it’s not the Hilfigers. Very Royal Tenenbaums. Lots of tennis rackets and layers.
Leon Max. Someone has read Wuthering Heights Woman in long, gown w/ cane. Pale, long hair, mist. Thinks, “My legs are unshaven under this.”
Hell yes. Givenchy. Girl sitting on wooden pallet w/ pillow. Ugly dress, ugly shoes. Awkward ugly pose like Tyra teaches. Lips parted. ANTM!
She looks like she’s… using the restroom in her underpants.
Alexander McQueen. Dystopic landscape. Dark save for a beam of red around the scarecrow… model’s head. Gorgeous dress. Million inch heels.
The Letter From the Editor is spread across 3 pages with about 50 pages between each page. Like… meal courses. The ads, the amuse bouche.
Or amuse yeux as the case may be.
Oh Anna. Cover model Kate Moss’s house is “wonderfully charming and unpretentious” and her daughter is “enchanting.”
For real, Anna uses about 111 adjectives in her Letter. I love everything about that.
I will tell you what. All those years of watching ANTM have PAID OFF! I know things.
Sad Talbots ad. Tweed. Windblown hair. Elephant-sized purse. Still Talbots.
Hold up! It’s Julianne Moore. Good for her. She gets 4 pages. She has a satanic pact, clearly because she looks… 30.
There’s a 4 page QVC ad. I have to imagine Anna Wintour was not happy about that ad at ALL. The Kardashians are featured, after all.
I get it. The closer we get to content, the more affordable the brands. Also a Macy’s ad.
An ad for my perfume, Bulgari Noir. Girl leaning against a lion (?!?), hugging a massive perfume bottle, dead eye staring at the camera.
Missoni for Target. In typical populist fashion, the ad is like 20 pages long. Anna is angry again.
Demi Moore for Ann Taylor looking well-preserved.
Kate Winslet! It’s like People Magazine but w/ prettier clothes. I guess she took Angelina’s position at St. Johns.
I have no idea why I know this stuff.
First real article is, of course, about 9/11.
Also, her story is sad. She was burned very badly. Interesting choice starting the issue with this story.
Lovely profile of Rosamond Bernier. She turns 95 in October. Fierce.
She breakfasts in bed, “a lifelong habit,” and why not?
She lectured on art, in full eveningwear at the Metropolitan Museum! OMG! This is why I’m going to rock on Jeopardy. Fascinating.
I’d pay extra to be able to download a version w/ just the content so I could read without flipping thru 15 pages between each content page.
"I don’t consider myself exceptional in any way. I think I’ve had exceptional good luck." Class.
LOL, “Rosamond not only had brought along the appropriate shawl, but she also brought out a flask of alcohol.”
Lanvin (the designer of Beyonce’s VMA gown), 2 women, knock knees, ugly faces, eyes closed, chests thrust forward, arms flung back.
They are TOTALLY shouting, “I WANT TO FLY!”
The way their hands are posed they’re totally hoping someone reaches down for them. Tyra would be so proud. You have to mind your extension.
This is what’s fascinating about Vogue. 700 pages of ads and maybe 35 pages of content. And an article about women liberating Libya.
Kmart ad: “Money Can’t Buy You Style.” That’s truth in advertising. At Kmart, no, money cannot buy you style. A sensible bra, though, yes.
"At Chanel, there is only one opinion and it’s me," Lagerfeld observed. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
I love love love that ALT has his own little column filled with lots of designer adoration and ALT charm.
"Soon, we’ll be off to his country house—a 16th century manoir he’s renovating in Normandy…” I, myself, shall be off to the gas station.
"I love nudity. I am super French. It’s the body, it’s sexuality, it’s part of life." Emmanuelle Alt, new editor of French Vogue.
Also name dropping that she’s besties with Carla Bruni. All French people know each other, obvi.
Kenneth Cole ads. Support gay marriage. Wear black clothing. Gel your hair.
Versayse ad. Let’s just say Nomi Malone would not wear the outfit.
And of course another breathless article about China! OMG they’re just like us now!
I’m guessing they just keep Mario Testino on retainer.
Profile on John Huntsman. I’ll skip that. I just don’t care what Vogue has to say on this matter.
Most adorable byline: “Plum Sykes reports.”
The article is on rooftop getaways in the city—rich people stuff.
"Lagarde is a planet w/ a powerful field of gravity, orbiting through the skies of global high finance." I’d hurt my students for that.
Oh, a black woman featured in the last 10 pages of a 758-page issue. How nice.
Whew. I’m done. My arms hurt. That magazine is HEAVY. Awesome. Buy this issue so we can talk about it. Thanks.
I do think I pulled a forearm muscle.